Something has been weighing me down since Tuesday. Saw a different Doctor at the hospital for my #spinalcordinjury review here in Perth and was told (again) that:
1. It is a “miracle” that I am able to do what I do now. But, I will not improve further;
2. I may be basically waiting for my condition to worsen bringing me back to “where the prognosis was originally stated”;
3. Me training so hard on a daily basis is “trading” whatever limited “miracle” time i have left before my condition worsens.
These are not new information but this just weighs me down so badly and it makes me think if whatever I am doing now, is the best for me. Especially if this is the opening statement whenever I visit a new doctor. In addition, this doctor gave a new insight stating that my next fall could be one that sends me back to my wheelchair because it affects my nerves.
This reminds me of what a privilege it is to stand, walk and run. I am excited about the future as I push for the #paralympics but I also fear for it, if the doctor is right. Subconsciously, this has been holding me back for my past 2 training sessions and I really need to clear my mind to get on with “whatever’s left. Given the fact that I have been having unexplainable blurred vision and dizziness at times, I think I am beginning to buy into this story. Funny how I always have bad news coming to me whenever I start running well. Wonder if this is a sign or a distraction..
In serious desperate need of some positive energy. Dear Lord, help me tide this one through.
I have no doubt in my determination to constantly push myself to my limits even if my body were to start to deteriorate. But it is more of “if its worth it” and “if the doctors are right”.
I can just think of it as: since I am a miracle, i do not obey the normal projected pathway.
Yeah. I think I will go on with that theory. Lets just treasure the moment, continue better my best and hope that I will wake up walking the next day.
After chatting with my fiancé, we have come to the conclusion to live my and our lives to the fullest and not hold back. Quality of life and enjoying what I love. What a good wifey =)
This actually sounds like a good plan. All the more I have got to make my “remaining running days” worth while. I pray that I will be able to taste the freedom of running for a long time to come.. And that i will go a little faster.. And maybe do a sub 4 hour marathon again.
Please.. Lets just keep going on.
Everything is possible for one who believes (Mark 9:23). #webelieve
In fact, he doesnt even want to have a follow-up appointment with me because it was all “done-deal” and probably improvements in medical treatments for me wouldnt come soon enough.
My last fall might very well end everything. But.. lets go for it. Not in my character to hold back.