being-a-military-wife-singapore

What
is it like to settle down with a military man? What is it like to be a
military wife? Is the portrayal of the military men in popular Korean drama series Descendants of the Sun realistic?

Now that Descendants of the Sun has come to an end, I felt that there couldn’t have been a more opportune time to craft this post. Hot bods, rippling muscles and uniform fetish aside, what is it like to date or to be married to a military man?

Well, I dated one for 7 years before getting married to him. We have since been married for 8 years and counting. With 15 years of experience under my belt (ok, stop calculating my age please), I guess that makes me a domain authority of sorts. Haha.

Now, let’s start the ball rolling, shall we?

Are all military men hunky-dory material?

Let’s start with the physical attributes. I am sure this comparison of the dudes in Descendants of the Sun and our Singapore soldiers needs no introduction. Need I say more?

Credit: Facebook

Ok, jokes aside, while not all military men may look like Calvin Klein models, they definitely undergo rigorous physical training to stay fit, so let’s give them credit lah. 😉

Do they disappear all the time when out on dates?

In my case, it hasn’t happened as frequently as in the series, perhaps because he’s not in the special forces, but it has happened on a number of occasions, even on weekends and public holidays.
When he gets activated, he literally drops everything and leaves in the blink of an eye, just like Big Boss aka Song Joong Ki. It doesn’t matter if he’s in the midst of celebrating my birthday or will miss it completely (so much for birthday surprises!).If the man has to go, he has to go.

Operations Blue Ridge (Credit: The Singapore Army Facebook Page)

And you know how our eyes light up whenever we see a good travel deal? Sorry honey, we can’t just plan to take leave, hop on a plane and get away. Holidays are planned around his schedule, which can be rather unpredictable.

For forecasted deployment, I get a couple more weeks to nag at him to stay safe hug and say goodbye. For sudden deployment? I remember having only a few hours to spend with him before he left home and he didn’t even know when he would return! Bidding farewell can be extremely difficult because he was sent to conflict zones in the Middle East and disaster areas in our neighbouring countries previously.

Is it true that I don’t know what he does all the time?

As a military wife, you don’t know exactly what he does while on deployment until it is reported in the news. So yes, I do feel exactly like Song Hye Kyo in the series when this happens.
But I have come to accept that this is the life of a military man.

Him in Afghanistan (Credit: The Singapore Army Facebook Page)
I remember when he first received orders to head to probably one of the most dangerous countries imaginable, he was completely overwhelmed with ardour. There was no way of stopping him and even if I had gone down on my knees and pleaded with him not to go, he would have gone anyway.
To this day, he tells me that a soldier who truly finds his work meaningful would want to amass operational experience on the ground which would prove useful when the army needs to conduct related military operations in future.

Why am I able to accept life as a military wife?

As much as I wish he can stay by my side, I know deep within me that his loyalty to his country is one of the reasons why I was attracted to him in the first place.
He always had it in him. Tracing back to our days in junior college, I remember our GP teacher posed this question to us, “How many of you will stay on to fight for our country’s sovereignty if we were attacked?”. His hand shot up instantaneously, without a hint of hesitation.
He was the only one who put up his hand.
I remember being gripped by fear then (still am), a fear that I would lose him one day. Yet, on the other hand, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of admiration and respect for this man who is determined to stay on and fight in the face of adversity, for better or for worse. And you know what? His tenacity and resilience extend to our relationship too, which is probably why we are still going strong in a day and age where relationships and marriages seem more fragile than ever before.
I remember one of my close university friends once warned me against dating or marrying a military man because he’ll hardly have time for me. To be honest, I don’t think many of us need our partners to be around every waking hour and thankfully, what we don’t have in quantity, we make up for it with quality. I keep myself busy most of the time and when I feel lonely, it helps that I have the company of family and good friends.
I guess at the end of the day, as with all decisions that we make in life, we try to go in with our eyes open and make the most out of what we have.
I don’t know about you, but I know my military man is the man for me. 🙂