I was inspired by my friend Sonia and her blogpost on how to cope with grief during this weird moment in time and I feel like I should document this down, so that one day I can look back and see how crazy things have been.
I am a cabin crew. I still am. But things have changed so much and it has taken a toll on my mental health. Don’t get me wrong, I won’t identify myself as depressed, but I felt, and still do feel, the stress. Some days I feel like a siao zhar bo leh no joke. 😣
My last flight was on 19th of March, a SIN-LPQ-VTE-SIN flight. Who would have known that would have been my last flight, probably for the rest of 2020? I was hopeful when I left the aircraft that day. I still thought, “Okay, I’m gonna be on annual leave for a week and then hopefully when roster comes out I can have some flights for April”. Oh how wrong I was.. Next thing I knew was that I was going to be flightless for a long time.😓
I don’t get up and dress up for flights anymore. I don’t prepare my notes before flight briefs anymore. I don’t get to see my colleagues anymore. I don’t get to arm and disarm the aircraft door. I don’t get to greet passengers (be it the nice ones or the not so nice ones 😜 ) anymore. Pretty much everything that has to do with flying, I don’t do anymore. However, God has been great. Scoot has been amazing with trying to find all sorts of ways to keep us cabin crew on the ball and retaining our position in the company. I grabbed the chance to be a temporary staff at the community centre when the opportunity arose. Probably one of the best choices I’ve made this year. I could have stuck to flying but the lack of hours and the high risk, I just had to make a decision as soon as possible.
Of course I had to adjust to a new change in work environment but I used what I have learnt in the past 4 years as a crew. I still greet the public, help with their queries, distribute masks, distribute flags and flyers. I got used to computer work, manual labour, pretty much anything my community centre needs help with I will try to be useful and help the full time staff. It’s my way of saying thank you, for letting me be of some use some way or another.
It is not easy and I am scared. Sure, there are many things to be thankful for. I am lucky and I admit that. I am lucky that I still have a job, I still get paid, I can afford my bills, I have a roof over my head, I have parents who help with my meals and the list just goes on. But it has not been easy to cope with this nagging feeling of “Okay what will happen once my stint at the community centre ends in October?” When you have been in a routine (in my case, it’s flying) for years and suddenly the world decide to pull a Thanos on you, you just can’t help but to feel lost.😣
I made multiple attempts to think of ways of how to earn an income from home, maybe set up a business or some sort right? I’ve seen some of my friends doing it successfully and good on them! I used that to motivate myself but I just could not do so. I am a worker bee, not a queen bee. So i adjusted again, helping these friends with their businesses by generating sales for them and getting some sort of commission out of it. It’s not a lot but to me it is an accomplishment. Better some money than no money la hor!
I’ve started to watch my health and fitness again, I’ve started to write again, I’ve started creating meaningful relationships again, I guess in every cloud, there really is a silver lining.
Like Sonia mentioned, it is okay to feel grief and grieve. There are days where I didn’t want to get out of bed, there are days where I lose my appetite, there are days where I didn’t want to talk to anyone, there are days where I didn’t want to even shower omg gross for goodness sake! And if you have felt that way, it is okay. 😌
Do not compare to how others are doing, be it for better or worst. Either way, you will feel like shit. When people say “Eh you very lucky already you know, at least you still have income, some people don’t even have half of what you have!” You think I don’t know meh? I know, but I can’t help feeling this way. So grieve. Grieve and then move on. Once you have come to terms with your situation and accepted that things have changed, it will be easier to accept the new norm eventually.
Baby steps you know, not like the baby born can straight away run, not like the bird hatch from egg can straight away fly. Aiya you get what I mean can already.😜
I am still a cabin crew, just a tad bit different for now. Things are gonna be a bit different from now on but I’ll get through it. And till the next time I see you on flight, hopefully December, I’ll say what I always say at the end of my flights-
Wishing you blue skies and all things nice, love, Sharon😘