Happy new year everyone!
How was your Christmas and Chinese new year so far?
Hope that all of you have been well
It was the first Christmas and new year that I didn’t enjoy. My mum’s birthday falls on Christmas eve, hence Christmas is suppose to be a happy/joyous occasion for my family. It feels odd that my dad is no longer around, it’s really hard to accept fact.
I’ve never ever felt so much pain in my life. I’ve always been portraying a strong front but I’m really not that strong. Been super emotional because I miss him very much (I’m sure it’s the same for my siblings and my mum). Memories of him came flooding me and it’s impossible to control my tears; especially for a cry baby (been crying while writing recent entries). Not everyone understands how it feels to lose their parent/ love ones. To be very honest, I NEVER understand how painful it is until my dad left us.
I must have freaked out the taxi driver who drove me back home on the very day. Mum called me from ChiangMai and from her voice, i knew that it wasn’t good news. I was in shock and burst out crying. Followed by calling my siblings and sis in law one by one. Trust me, it’s goddamn difficult to calm myself down and hold my tears back in order for them to hear me clearly. Upon hearing the piece of bad news, everyone uncontrollably cry over the phone
The few days in Chiang Mai with my family was the first time all of us cry together everyday and that’s the toughest period for us so far.
Suddenly, all the pain from “boyfriend cheating”, “girlfriend backstabbing”, haters and etc, become nothing.
It’s a pity that dad doesn’t take much pictures with us.
People like happy people in general and the reason why I’ve not been updating since the last post is because I find it difficult to blog nowadays because I’m in a state whereby, I can no longer bring smiles to people. Too emotional and prefer to be home.
2015 is the most boring CNY for my family and myself. It feels odd to have reunion dinner with dad and we have no mood for festive seasons. I hope things will get better. In fact, I’ve decided to skip graduation ceremony since he cant be there.
Dad, you are the most amazing man I’ve known and I’m very proud of you
I’ll be brave and do you proud.