Can’t remember when was the last time sharing my thoughts here.
My blog used to be a journal for me to pen down everything without the thought of making a cent, back in 2006. Years later, blogging got really popular and bloggers make money from blog advertorials and etc. Soon after, social media platforms such as Twitter, Instagram and etc appear. Speaking of which, my contract with MyFatPocket have ended for quite sometime. Other than my sponsorships, I have not take up advertorials since I haven’t been updating this site. So I’m thinking of moving back to blogspot, because i would love to be in control of the outlook of my site + be ad free, since my contracted ended and I’m not making a single cent. I will figure this out soon.
Many people asked me to share more personal updates because i no longer write much about myself. Well, I would love to share but I don’t know where to begin. Besides, i would like to have some privacy to myself. Years ago, there were gossip forums sharing information about me (majority were false). Several individuals who ‘claim’ to know me started rumors, so I’ve decided not to share too much information to protect people around me.
Even though i look like an extrovert, out- going and all, I’m not. In fact, I’m the kind who keep a lot to myself because I don’t wanna bother others. Generally, I have trust issues with people after several bad experiences (eg: falling out with dishonest ex bestfriend and cheating exbfs) that hurt me badly, hence it is extremely hard for me to open up to someone and pour out my troubles. I’ve changed, the type who keep everything to myself. Okay don’t get me wrong, I’m not a loner or loser with no friends. Yes I’m aware that i may look stuck up when I don’t smile; I’m generally friendly and all, but knowing me on deeper level, getting close to me is tough because my “walls” are high. I guess that’s part of Scorpio thing? Even my own biological sibling says that I’m weird and i can’t deny that.
Lately, I have been feeling troubled. Why? Because i don’t know what to do next. Basically, I have no idea which direction to go, what job should i take up. Mum has been nagging at me to accept a full time job since I’m pretty lucky that I have nice friends helping me out, some are decent offers. I need direction. Whenever i look through facebook/instagram updates, i see my friends settle down, have kids and etc. Then i look at myself… questions and doubts about myself pop up. SIGH… Maybe I’ve been thinking too much and stressing myself too much? I don’t know man. And because of my negative thoughts, I screw up other things in my life. Really omg. Feeling lost and really shitty right now
Hope that everything will fall in place soon..