Thank you for everything.
Tomorrow is my last day with ***. I don’t know what and how to feel. But i’m definitely looking forward to my life after November. It’s like I’m finally stepping into adulthood (I know right at this age) Things are gonna be very different now with new responsibilities and expectations but I know I will be able to handle them.
I have been experiencing a lot of emotions lately and one important thing that I have to learn is stop assuming things. LOL.
Today I got the urge to write again.
The sins that I have done, will not be easy to forgive and forget.
The chance that I am given, will be cherished and hold tightly.
The love that I have received, will be returned in ten thousand folds.
The faith and trust that were invested in me will be greeted with reliability and loyalty.
It is 0255am now. I have conflicted thoughts and mixed emotions lately that I have to try very hard to remain sane.
But I keep reminding myself to have faith.
Faith is essential. Faith is necessary. Faith is what I need now to keep me going.
Then, I was insecure, I have trust issues. I am too protective of myself which resulted in me pushing the people I need away. Then, it was only me.
Now, it is us. I am insecure, I have trust issues and most importantly, guilt. Guilt can be irritating and worrying because it bites you, and bites very hard.
Guilt makes you want to be a good person. Guilt wants you to do things that make people happy. Guilt wants you to be selfless. Guilt makes you feel like you lose a part of yourself.
Every night before I sleep, I thought..
Weiting, where did your values went to? Can anybody still trust you? You bury Audrey and nurtured Claire. But now even Claire is ruined.
I don’t want to be Audrey and I want to forget being Claire. I hate everything its like I feel like I don’t have a say in anything now. I’m getting tired like really tired. What am I supposed to do. 🙁
I thought I was right but I was wrong.
When the sensible side of me came in I kick it off.
I thought I could but actually I can’t.
And all the time I wasted just for meaningless fun.
When people starts asking me if this is happiness.
And all I answered was:
No. It is emptiness.
Sorry to disappoint it is not picture of the day. This is my blog, I’m allowed to voice out my mood of the day. So here I am sharing with you how I’m feeling at this moment.
And till the next.