I was going through old emails when I chanced upon one displaying results from an interesting quiz which I had taken. It was the Love Language quiz by Dr Gary Chapman. According to his theory, there are these five main love languages in which we express and experience love and that each person has one primary and one secondary love language. Dr Chapman suggests that to discover another person’s love language, one must observe the way they express love to others, and analyze what they complain about most often and what they request from their significant other most often. He theorizes that people tend to naturally give love in the way that they prefer to receive love.
So according to my results, my primary love language would be Quality Time while my Acts of Service comes in at a close second. The remaining love languages make up my secondary love languages.
|9||Acts of Service|
|7||Words of Affirmation|
That was in 2015. I tried the quiz again and these are my results for 2017. So this round, we have Acts of Service coming in first, followed by Quality Time. I believe that being a parent has also somehow influenced these choices. I am grateful whenever the husband takes over and looks after the kiddo or does the chores.
|11||Acts of Service|
|5||Words of Affirmation|
You can take the quiz at 5 Love Languages to find out your love language too. The highest score indicates your primary love language – how you really understand your partner’s expressions of love. It’s common to have two high scores (the highest score being 12), although one language tends to have a slight edge for most people. The lower scores in your profile indicate those languages you seldom use to communicate love and which probably don’t affect you on an emotional level in your relationship.
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there – with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby – makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Quality Time also means sharing quality conversation and quality activities.
Thinking back, this is pretty true because whenever I complain to the husband, it is usually about not spending enough time together and not on why he isn’t buying me stuff and whatsoever. The husband’s job is rather hectic so there are times where he works late or goes overseas for meetings and we do not really get to spend much time together. We need to put in effort and work on spending more quality time together.
Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter. Finding ways to serve speaks volumes to the recipient of these acts.
This is something which the husband does rather often too. He isn’t a romantic person and does not display affection openly but if I need help with something, he may grumble but he would eventually give in to me.
Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important – hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. Kind, encouraging, and positive words are truly life-giving.
This scored a 7, just mere 3 points away from my primary love language. And it is not surprising at all, given that I am quite emotionally sensitive so mean words tend to hurt me easily but positive affirmation is just uplifting. Though this year this one came in as a tie with Physical Touch.
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face – they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. Physical touch fosters a sense of security and belonging in any relationship.
The husband can be rather uncomfortable about displaying PDA (Public Displays of Affection) because he thinks we are too old for that. If you have a husband or boyfriend who can be quite shy, just let them know that research (For real! Not a hoax!) has shown that men who kiss their wives in the morning live five years longer than those who don’t. Amazing, isn’t it? The best Valentine’s day present I received from him this year was a peck on the cheek the moment he came home from work. <3
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous – so would the absence of everyday gestures. Gifts are visual representations of loveand are treasured greatly.
Not surprising that I scored 0 for this both times, while I enjoy receiving gifts, these rank pretty low on the scale of what I expect out of a relationship. However, I make it a must to celebrate birthdays and anniversaries. You do not have to spend on a gift but celebrating it, creating memories through spending Quality Time together is what I look forward to 😉
So what is your love language?